Sleepless nights, endless thoughts…

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It’s one in the morning. Every bone in my body wants to drift into a glorious sleep. My eyes ache and my head pounds with the frustrations of a wasted day. All I want is to get caught up in the whirlwind of my studies, but no part of me finds joy in this endless mound of work. I feel mediocre in a sea of perfectionists. Nothing in my life seems to be going well and on a campus of thousands I feel terribly alone. I long to be in the “real world.” Forget Machiavelli. Forget Kant. Forget “conceptualizing poverty” and academically theorizing politics. I hate sitting behind a desk and reading about atrocities. I hate being on a campus where my only voice comes in the form of academic papers that are graded on a biased scale, where it’s more important that I mirror my professor’s opinions than have one of my own. How can I be a visionary when I am stifled behind books? The highlighter has become my enemy and my frustrations with academia has become my curse. The one course that gives me the most pleasure is the course that will inevitably doom my GPA. I love economics. Yet my brain ceases to function when a math equation is put in front of me. Maybe I’ll get out of this rut… Until then I will continue to have sleepless nights that are filled with far-off dreams that have nothing to do with textbooks or exams. Too bad reality isn’t as wonderful as my fantasies…

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